Two posts in 2 days?

Two posts in 2 days. The hell is wrong with me? Like I said, I need break time. I have been down here in my office for the past 5 hours now and I am feeling a little burnt.

Today, I went to the bookstore and bought a book about getting government grants. Not quite sure where that topic will lead me, but it had other stuff in it that helped point out things to me. Like, what to say to investors, how to say it. It explained how to put together a proposal for an investor and stuff like that. Most of it I am sure I know, but I would still like to have it spoon feed to me.

One problem I have in life is that I do not have a mentor. 100% of the business decisions I make are based on my own experiences. Since I have a long history of advertising, and watching others succeed and fail, I feel confident in my choices, but it would still be nice to have a guide.

This is a lead-in to a plug for a TV show that you should definitely watch. I mean, If you are reading a blog about building your own business from scratch, which you are, then yeah, you should watch it. It's called "The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch" and it really is amazing stuff I would never have expected on "free" TV. If anyone knows where I can find all the past episodes, I would love to hear about it. Torrents didn't come back with anything. You can checkout a few episodes here: http://www.fancast.com/tv/The-Big-Idea-with-Donny-Deutsch/97338/full-episodes

There is an Audio book of his that came out that is 50% off at Barnes and Noble so it's only like $9.00. Less if you have a Membership. I will buy it tomorrow.

When I work these long hours, there are 2 things that get me through them. Alcohol and music.

Yeah, by definition, I am an alcoholic. But, I do it to clear my mind. It helps me focus on the task at hand. It's kind of like Ritalin or something. For me anyway. I have this mixture I created for myself. It's mostly powdered ice tea, but I throw in the rest of the ingredients of a Long Island Iced Tea. So, it's got Vodka, Gin, Rum, Tequila, etc.... The mixture is designed to get me drunk, but not cost a fortune, since it is mostly flavored water. The thing is, for me, it puts my physically into a happy place, but my mind has never been affected by alcohol. So I think as clearly as ever, if not a bit more creative. So, in case your wondering, it's a long Saturday night, so yeah, I'm pretty plastered right now. Since I drink alone daily, I am categorized as a drunk. However, Since my thoughts are fairly coherent, anyone with a problem can kiss my ass. My liver, however, is another story.

So, the music. Ok, I have unintentionally collected 27 songs that are my favorites that play when I want some music while I work. The unintentional part is that they are mostly inspirational music. As I type this, it sounds silly, but much of the music gives me confidence in what I am doing, when I am the only one spending hours, days, weeks and months on this stuff.

They seem to start off pretty dark with songs like:
"Nine Inch Nails - Hurt" "I hurt myself today, To see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, The only thing that's real"
Then "Smashing Pumpkins - Galapagos" "Too late to turn back now, I'm running out of time and I am changing, changing"

This then drifts into songs like:
"Bob Segar - Like a Rock" "My hands were steady, My eyes were clear and bright,
My walk had purpose, My steps were quick and light, And I held firmly to what I felt was right, like a rock"
and "Battlestar Galactica Theme" Which is a Hindu prayer for guidance. "May Thou guide our intellect in the right direction."
and "David Gilmour - Coming Back to Life" "I knew the moment had arrived, For killing the past and coming back to life"

And then the songs end with:
Guns N' Roses - Breakdown" "Funny how everything was roses, When we held on to the guns"
and then the climax with "Pink Floyd - Fearless" "You say the hill's too steep to climb, You say you'd like to see me try, You pick the place and I'll choose the time, And I'll climb The hill in my own way"

Gawd, that all sounded so cheesy. But, I guess the point is there, that I do what it takes to motivate myself night after night, and get through this garbage. And yes, it's hard. Last year at this time, I was the only person who saw my vision. And now? Now my whole family believes I can do it. I mean, shit, I've been selling phones for the past year, and making money. I have been building a very strong business. I have many regular customers. And I can fill out those grants (and other loans) to say: "I have been in business for more than a year. Here is a list of my contacts for customers, suppliers, and other investors."

At this point, I have drifted past the point of "Kinda drunk", and right into the "we need to go to bed now" drunk. But, are these just ramblings? Naw, I've been wanting to mention these things for quite some time. I hope they give you some direction in your "quiet time", and help you through those hours of wondering if it is all worth it. Is it? Oh, I don't know. I guess it boils down to how you handle it. To me, my son comes first (even though it gets a little forced on me), and then my business, then my wife.

How does she feel about being in last place? Well, she gets every Friday night. No matter what, I do not work on Friday nights, I spend them exclusively with her. Overall, she understands the nature of what I do. When a customer calls, she knows that if I don't drop what I am doing, they will likely not call back later, and I will loose the sale. But, that is a whole other topic. If they take the time to call me at 5pm, why won't they call back at 6pm? Who the hell knows. Stupid customers.